Q&A: My Wife Says I Should Cook for the House

Saturday 05-Jan-2019, 4:28AM / 1648

Translation: Abu Ubayy Sharif Hamzah

Questioner: I don't know where my wife heard a fatwa she reads to me at home from; she is lazy at cooking. She once said she read it somewhere that the Prophet - sallallaahu alahyi wa sallam - said that we (husbands) should be spoonfeeding our wives, that the Prophet - sallallaahu alahyi wa sallam - did not say women should cook for their husbands. 

Ustaadh Qamardeen: Oooo-K, so we should be spoonfeeding our wives?  Is it the man that cooked that will also spoonfeed his wife?

(Laughter from the Congregation)...... 

Ustaadh Qamardeen: I seek Allaah's forgiveness, she misread a book, even if she misread a book; we would still correct her. What Scholars said is: Scholars differed on if it is compulsory for a wife to cook for her husband; some said it is not compulsory because it is not part of her duties. What will bring balance to that is what Allaah says, "And relate with them (your wives) in goodness." If your wife is sick; you must assist and take care of her. Allaah says that a man has his duties and a woman also has her duties. Part of the duties of a woman is to cook for her husband. In our culture, you see; any custom that does not go against our religion (Islaam) is part of Islaam. 

It is well rooted in our custom that women are the ones to cook for their husbands. I have been to work since morning, you will be at home cooking and waiting till I return, isn't that a balanced position? Or is it normal that when I return from work I should start cooking again? It does not go in line with our custom. 

Thereafter, why did Fatimah come to report to the Prophet - sallallaahu alahyi wa sallam - about the bruises on her palm as a result of the house chores she was doing? The bruises appeared as a result of the manual mode of grinding substances like beans; grinding machine was not in existence during that time.

The daughter of the Prophet - sallallaahu alahyi wa sallam - did house chores till bruises appeared on her palm and her palm resembles that of a farmer. They said that the daughter of the Prophet - sallallaahu alahyi wa sallam - did house chores.

The daughter of Abubakar - Asmaa - was also reported to have carry grass (on her head) to feed her husband's horse. 

(Cooking for your husband) is part of house chores but if a woman is sick, then her husband can take over (do the house chores). Allaah has really blessed ṣome brothers; they are good at cooking. Fetching water for your wife if the place she will get the water is far is part of the  responsibilities of the husband, if you don't have borehole at home, you may use gallons or use a vehicle to bring the water to the house and by Allaah, you will be rewarded because you don't want to stress your wife. Allaah knows best. 

The wife mustn't however say: "Abu, don't you know there's no water in the house?"

(Laughter from the Congregation.)

Ustaadh Qamardeen; See, hope you can hear? It (fetching water by the man) is voluntary not compulsory, you too (the husband) will now say "Today, No! (I won't fetch the water)." (Allaah says:) "Men are the protectors of women.".

(Source: Question 5 of the tape; Duties and Rights of Spouses in Islaam). 

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